Michelle [last name redacted]'s Account of Camp Trans '99 [email address redacted] I apologize in advance for the length of this tome, but I have a lot to say. I was one of the MtF's who paid my fee and entered MWMF Friday when us Camp Trans folk and supporters converged on the Festival gate. My grrlfriend, Betsy and two way-kewl dykes from Toronto (all GG) had arrived with me Thursday in active support of the Camp Trans movement. Betsy entered with me Friday and we spent the rest of the day and evening there. As the events Riki describes in her interview unfolded, we ended up asking for and receiving refunds and we all left Saturday around noon. It's taken me a while to collect my thoughts as this was an extremely intense experience for me - I haven't been involved in front-line activism since the Vietnam War. Here is the Camp Trans story from my view. My reasons for actively participating in Camp Trans were admittedly selfish. I saw Camp Trans as a means to: 1) gain personal access to the womyn's space in which I feel I lay rightful claim; and 2) paving the way for other Trykes to do the same. So, Betsy and my Canadian dyke friends and I walked the walk to the MWMF gate with the Camp Trans group wearing our Transexual Menace T-shirts with honor and dignity. [For the record, we could have hardly shouted who were were any louder than we did, what with our T-shirts and vocal declaration of who we were and what our purpose was. They let us pay our way in without comment or hesitation, no ifs ands or buts.] However, from that point, my experience inside the Festival was quite different from the one Riki reports in her interview. For one thing, I didn't march into the Festival with the Camp Trans entourage (which contained about 30 people, including supporters from the inside). Frankly, for one thing, I can't physically keep up with Riki on my best day. Also, Betsy and I were met by a number of womyn friends at the gate. They graciously escorted Betsy and I back to the meal tent in a little sub- entourage (it was lunchtime). When we arrived there to meet Riki and the Camp Trans entourage, the organizers were asking for volunteers to help in the kitchen (evidently, compliance with the mandatory work details for each Festival attendee is very poor). So, for the next two hours, Riki shucked corn and I washed dishes as gestures of good faith. So much for good faith For the first three hours after entering, Betsy and I walked the Land in our Menace T-shirts. During that time, other than the womyn shouting "Men on the Land" that Riki reports, Betsy and I never faced any hostility or animosity _whatever_. In fact, a number of Festival attendees (Festie's) came from their tents in the woods to confront those misguided souls, and their shouting was over by the first five minutes after entering. Betsy and I were approached casually by a number of womyn who noticed our T-shirts and we had very constructive and amicable conversations, answering questions about Camp Trans and the Transsexual experience. A number of womyn actually thanked us for being there. I returned without my Menace T-shirt for a few hours before my work detail began at 7:00. By then, the Festival was buzzing with conversations about the Trannies. I was drawn into a number of these conversations as just another Festie. I was always open about my status as a Trannie and a Camp Trans supporter. Yet, I still never felt any hostility. On the contrary, I was made to feel quite welcome and the womyn I spoke to were very grateful for my honesty and willingness to answer any and all questions. It was when I returned to Camp Trans after my work detail that I first heard of the confrontation at the meal area. I also heard the story of the FtM taking a shower and of the incident that was created when the Transman's penis was sighted. I must admit that I felt a grave disappointment in hearing of this. I know and love the particular Transman who was involved in this incident. He is a tireless activist and has suffered and sacrificed much in his life. He has done both the Lesbian and the TG Communities many immense services. But, I have to state that I was astonished at hearing of his decision to disrobe on the Land, even in the Twilight Zone (the "anything goes" section of the Festival). I simply cannot understand his reasoning for wanting to take a shower at that moment. I won't deny that he has as much right as anyone to care for his body. But, with the high stakes involved there and the progress that I felt we had made, I truly felt that he had managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. For a shower. I was broken hearted. I believe in my heart that the showering episode altered the course of the history of Camp Trans '99. I was the only one in Camp Trans who was up and around at 7:00 Saturday morning when the Festival organizers requested a meeting with the Camp Trans organizers . I was looking forward to the day with great anticipation of returning to the Land with Betsy for the full day - our work detail obligations were fulfilled and there was a host of exciting events scheduled. But, it wasn't to be. As the negotiation between the Festival and the Camp Trans organizers began, I realized that the situation had gotten very messy. And not just for the two sets of organizers, but for me personally. I felt a deep conflict when the Camp Trans organizers defended the FtM's right to be on the Land. The Transman who showered on the Land explained that, because he had been born female and spent 30 years working as a Lesbian activist, he felt that he had paid his dues as a womyn and had earned the right to enter the Festival. That seemed pretty pale even to me given the furor his shower caused. After all, in my own mind, when I undertook my transition, grew tits and had surgery, I permanently abdicated any claim I have to male privilege. But that's me. It was an extremely interesting and difficult situation - one that each individual must reconcile for his/herself. My conflict arose out of the fact that the Transman clearly no longer identifies as a womyn or he wouldn't have gone to the lengths he has to reconcile his gender conflict. As I said, I love that Transman. Under any other circumstance, I would defend his rights as vigorously as I would defend my own. But, having felt the positive energy and special quality of the womyn's space inside the Festival, I was in a deep quandary. As much as I respect and admire that Transman, he is a single individual. I confess to feeling an even deeper respect for the space the Festival organizers had worked nearly a quarter century to create, and the 7,000 womyn inside it. On the other side, I felt a definite respect for the history and mission of Camp Trans and all the effort that had gone into it. That's why I was there in the first place. But, I simply could not support the right of a person who no longer identifies as a womyn to enter that space. In my opinion, the bottom line is that the MWMF is _womyn's_ space and that it should stay. To me, the only question is how to define "womyn". I sleep well knowing how I answer that question for myself (and for the Festival for that matter). Feeling myself sliding ever deeper into this conflict, midway through the negotiation, I took one of the MWMF organizers aside and told her of the shift in my position. I explained that as long as the Camp Trans purpose hinged on the right of a person who doesn't identify as a womyn to enter, I could no longer support Camp Trans. My world was crashing down around me - I felt like a traitor to Riki, to the Transman, to Camp Trans, even to myself. But, at the same time, I also felt very strongly that womyn have a right to special space; especially one that they've worked so long and hard to create. After all, as I said before, I feel that such a space is _my_ space, too. It was then and on that basis that I asked the organizer for a refund. I guess I am a lightweight or a summertime activist. You can decide what you will. As the negotiation continued, I felt that the Transman's decision to shower on the Land may have actually resulted in some benefit. After I got my own emotions in check, I realized that, had we gone in negotiating from the standpoint of the right of an MtF to enter, we would have had very little room to compromise. As it turned out, the Transman's showering seemed at the time to have the effect of raising the height of the negotiation "bar". But, now that I've read Lisa Vogel's press release, I'm not so sure this is the case. In view of what she said, I wonder if we've really gotten anywhere at all. My story doesn't end there, though. Another interesting aspect of the negotiation with the organizers wasn't mentioned in Riki's interview. The main point the Camp Trans organizers kept trying to drive home in the negotiation is the vital role of education. In a somewhat backdoor way, the Festival organizers actually challenged us to educate from the inside. They pointed out that they already have a venue for educating from within - the Festival includes a large number of workshops. My feeling at this point is that while Camp Trans clearly opened the floodgate and initiated a dialog, there may well be merit to the concept of trying to change the Festival from within as well. Elsewhere in the feedback area, someone asked about consolidating the ground-swell of support from the inside. As the negotiation wound down, I told the organizers that I intend to enter next year and to conduct a workshop to promote education about Transwomyn. My challenge is to design and title the workshop in a way that won't get me ejected from the Festival (or beaten up or worse). If the Lesbian Avengers conduct their planned education at Camp Trans 2000 from outside the Festival, and others work from the inside, perhaps a two-pronged approach towards enlightening the womyn of the MWMF will convince them that Transwomyn really don't represent a threat. We'll make it an even more special space once we're inside! So, that's my somewhat different view of Camp Trans '99. I invite you to comment, especially if you have constructive ideas about educating from inside MWMF.